


What To Do When You Fall In Love With Satan

by smolfluffqueen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dogs, Gay Marriage, Kisses, M/M, Mushyness, almost everyone is gay, becky is all of us, bobby is a supportive surrogate father he needs love, gays being gays, love spells, nice, season 7, the 'no homo' is lies, ya homegirl becky back at it again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-09-15 22:05:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9259409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolfluffqueen/pseuds/smolfluffqueen
Summary: Becky Rosen (also known as BeckyWinchester176), has loved the supernatural books since they were published, and most importantly, Sam. When her marriage to Sam failed (due to magical roofies), she decided that if she couldn't have Sam, then she would just make Samifer real, instead, so they could get married, move into an apartment, and have three kids, just like in her fanfictions. Then, Sam would be her gay best friend, and it would be awesome.





	1. TWD and Chill

**Author's Note:**

> tbh I listened to poppy while writing this and now I'm going insane

Becky Rosen liked to think that the universe was against her.

Her therapist called it The Law of Averages, which didn't really help, but meant that, in her case, since she got married to Sam, something bad had to happen in return, evening out the score. That 'bad thing' turned out to be their annulment, and apparently the universe was taking a long ass time to give her something nice. She voiced this complaint to her therapist, who said that maybe  _she_ had to perform the good thing, and even out someone else.

She stopped seeing that therapist soon after.

Then, a while later, she started to reread the Supernatural books again, and she stumbled upon the chapter where Lucifer first appeared, and she then began thinking about the obvious sexual tension (no matter what anyone said on the forums, it was there) between Lucifer and Sam, and she was struck with inspiration. After a few days of fruitless love potion searching, she then remembered that Rowena existed.

If Sam and Dean existed in real life, why couldn't Rowena? So, after a few failed summoning spells, she finally found one that looked like it would work and bought several questionable items from WiccanSupplies.net (her mailman gave her several raised eyebrows, as one does when delivering a sacrificial blade) and set everything up, even going as far to straighten up her living room, she couldn't have her role model see the twinkie wrappers scattered around her house, that would be unprofessional.

"Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc!" Becky called out nervously, dragging the blade across her palm, causing blood to fall into the bowl of herbs, making smoke rise.

Suddenly, there was an elaborately dressed redhead standing on her carpet, and she all but fainted on the spot.

"Hi!" Becky gasped out, startling Rowena, who turned around to face her.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Rowena asked, confused.

"I'm Becky." Becky said, smiling. "I need your help."

Rowena lowered herself onto Becky's couch, her eyebrows raised. "Aren't you the girl who roofied Sam Winchester?"

"It was a  _social lubricant_ , can we just forget about it?" 

Rowena chuckled, making Becky frown. This wasn't at all like she had hoped meeting Rowena would go.

"I need a love potion." Becky stated, and Rowena stood up, smoothing down the wrinkles in her dress.

"Kid, I really don't need Sam Winchester on my a-"

"It's not for  _me_!" Becky interrupted, making Rowena stop in her tracks. "I want to use it so Sam and  _Lucifer_ will fall in love."

Rowena began to laugh, loudly, tears rolling down her cheeks, which made Becky even more frustrated. How could Rowena  _laugh_ when she was clearly trying to do the world a favor? 

"Sam and Lucifer." Rowena laughed.

"Yes."

"I'm in." Rowena grinned.

\--------

Sam sat up in his bed, yawning. He had yet  _another_ dream where Lucifer appeared, trying to talk him into setting him free. It, obviously, didn't work, and Sam was left in the dark, with only Dean's light snoring to distract him from the complete silence.

The alarm clock read 3am, and Sam knew he wasn't going to be able to sleep for the rest of the night, so he rolled out of bed, got dressed, and exited the dingy motel room.

He followed the road for a while, eventually heading down a dirt road, promising himself that he wouldn't get lost.

\--

Rowena quickly fond a love spell powerful enough to bind Lucifer to Sam and make them fall in love instantly, and Becky was left with weighing out all of the ingredients. Rowena had (begrudgingly) translated the spell, and it read:

_Love Spell_

_Effectively binds two or more people together and causes instant love and infatuation._

_Disclaimer: The creation of love triangles is discouraged, as jealousy can lead to murder. The writer of this spell is free from any liability._

_Ingredients:_

_Essence (a hair, feather, etc) from each person involved_

_Five drops of_ _Belladonna_

_Seven white rose petals_

_Six teaspoons of fairy blood_

_Two black pearls_

_Three pinches of cinnamon for smell (optional)_

_Recite the following while stirring the ingredients clockwise:_

_te probabiliter mori bene_

 

Well, that was interesting, for lack of better word.

Becky couldn't help but wonder what situation happened to make the witch put a disclaimer on it.

Most of the ingredients has been easy to find, excluding the 'essence' because, obviously, finding a feather that belonged to Lucifer wasn't exactly easy. Rowena, however, had vanished for about two hours and returned with a small, downy, feather, along with no explanation except for "the cage was dirty."

Rowena unceremoniously threw everything into a silver bowl, reciting the words and stirring clockwise. When finished, they both looked up, expecting  _something_ but nothing ever happened.

Suddenly, Rowena vanished, leaving Becky alone with a half full bowl of a seemingly dud spell.

Oh, well.

\--

Sam ventured down the dirt road and into the forest, relishing in the cold air and silence. Suddenly, he felt something wash over him. It was warm, but it wasn't unpleasant. The closest thing he could describe it to would be sinking into a hot tub of water.

He frowned, turning the flashight on his phone on, scanning over himself to make sure he hadn't be cursed or something. When he found nothing wrong, he walked back to the motel, still feeling strange.

Sam opened the motel door, only to see Dean sitting on his bed, looking extremely worried, with Castiel, his not so secret boyfriend, standing in front of him, looking equally as worried.

Dean saw Sam and jumped up from his bed, making strides over to Sam. "Where the hell were you?" Dean demanded angrily. "Cas looked  _everywhere_ for you!"

"I don't understand why it's so import-"

"Lucifer is  _free_ , jackass." Dean interrupted, turning away when he saw the shock on Sam's face.

For some reason, the mention of Lucifer made Sam's heart jump.

Weird.

"Since  _when-"_ Sam was, yet again, interrupted, by a knock on the door.

Dean turned away to talk to Cas while Sam opened the door, only to reveal Lucifer himself.

"Honey, I'm home." Lucifer grinned, back in his usual Nick ensemble. Lucifer stared at him hungrily, and Sam wasn't at all adverse to it.

Sam felt a rush of emotions all at once, it was entirely overwhelming, and he began to feel slightly dizzy.

"Get the  _hell_ away from my brother, dickbag." Dean growled, pointing the colt at Lucifer, while Castiel raised his angel bade.

"You know that can't kill me, right?" Lucifer said, eyeing Sam, causing Sam to blush.

"Sam are you  _blushing_ -" Dean started to yell, and Castiel jumped forward to stab Lucifer, but with no avail.

Suddenly, Sam was being flown away, and once his feet hit the ground, he felt Lucifer's mouth on his, and he kissed him back for what seemed like forever before Lucifer pulled away, panting.

"The Walking Dead is on, so, if you wanna-"

"Yes." Sam panted, grinning.

They spent the rest of the night ignoring Sam's phone, which was constantly buzzing from messages from Dean and Cas, watching a villain that looked _way_ too much like his dad, and cuddling on the most comfortable couch he had ever been on.

For the first time in a long time, he wa shappy, and he didn't even know why.

\---

"Do you think it worked?" Crowley asked Rowena, looking up from his paperwork.

"Nope." Rowena said, tossing a piece of chocolate in her mouth "Not a chance." 

 


	2. Tickling and (almost) Kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I got kinda tired of those fics where they use the falling in love potion/drug thing and make them unrealistically mushy and gross, like, no, I was realistic slightly gross love, what is this. Comments and Kudos feed my starving dogs and four plants, so they're hella appreciated, ty.

As soon as Sam vanished, Dean began bombarding him with phones and texts. When he didn't respond, Dean began to put the pieces together about what had happened, and at the moment, he was leaning  _very far_ toward witchcraft, and, unfortunately for him, he happened to know a witch. So, at the very least, she could undo the spell that Lucifer used and get his idiot of a brother to hop off Satan's dick.

The mental image of Sam doing the, well,  _that_ with Lucifer was enough to make Dean want to drink himself into a coma, so he called Rowena and put her on speakerphone (Cas didn't exacty trust her either, bless him) and hoped for the best.

"Hello?" The disgustingly familiar Scottish accent came through the phone, and Dean found himself regretting ever being born.

"Rowena." Cas growled out, a hard, flat look in his eyes. "You sound disgusting, as always."

Well, it was nice to have someone on your team that  _didn't_ have a monster mash kink for once.

"I assume you have better reason for calling me than to insult me,  _Winchesters."_

"Sam isn't here." Cas replied.

"No, darling, I was talking about  _you_. You two are practically married already, so why not?" 

"I'm  _straight_."

"Sure, keep telling yourself that, honey."

"What have you done to Samuel?" Cas demanded, and Rowena hesitated slightly.

"Nothing he didn't already want."

"Rowena-"

Rowena ended the call, and Dean threw his phone against the dingy motel wall, making the screen crack. 

"I believe Bobby would be of assistance"

And instead of following Dean to the Impala like he had insisted (Dean didn't want to leave the car), Cas flew the both of them to Bobby's amid Dean's protests.

\--

Sam woke up in a bed that, to him, seemed to be fit for royalty.

He was used to the grimy, musty, motel beds that he and Dean had inhabited for the most of their lives, not satin sheets and the fluffiest pillows he had ever felt,  _goddamn._  

Sam thought briefly of Dean, Cas, and (probably) Bobby, who had probably had stayed up all night, searching through dusty books, threatening witches, and drinking copious amounts of liquor. But, then again, they were searching for a cure to something that he didn't  _want_ cured, so he didn't really care how much pain they were putting themselves through at the moment.

And, with that, Sam rolled back into the cloud-like pillows and fell back to sleep.

\--

"So, we have been through nine books, three scrolls, two scrolls, three novels -which, by the way, were made of  _human skin_ -, and an encyclopedia to witchcraft, and we've got jack shit." Dean announced angrily, slamming the aforementioned human skin novel closed.

"Dean, we'll find  _something_ -"

"No, Bobby, Lucifer's probably torturing Sam right now, don't you  _understand_?"

"Well, they  _are_ made for each other."

"Cas, it's  _Satan_ , Sam's probably in some dungeon or something!"

Cas turned back to his book with a sigh, flipping to a different page.

\--

Sam awoke again, a few hours later, only to be surrounded by a cart covered in ornate plates with silver domes covering them.

"Do you want breakfast? They brought everything you like, just in case." Sam wondered how Lucifer knew  _exactly_ what his favorite foods, but then he remembered that Lucifer had, kinda, been inside him, literally, and that they both knew everything about each other, and it was a little less weird. 

Sam dug in, eventually cleaning off all of the plates and falling back into the bed, feeling happy and full, only to have Lucifer try to tug him out of bed. Sam protested, jerking away from Lucifer and burrowing deeper into the warm covers. 

"You're going to have to get up eventually, Sam." Lucifer said, and even though Sam couldn't see him, he could  _sense_ that Lucifer was grinning at him.

"No." Sam mumbled, making Lucifer chuckle.

"Sam, you have to get up at some poi-"

" _No."_ Sam argued, tugging a pillow under the blanket with him, convinced that Lucifer would eventually give up and leave him alone to live in the bed.

Lucifer, however, had different plans.

Lucifer quickly pulled the blankets back, revealing a nearly naked Sam, who yelped at the sudden cold. Lucifer straddled him and began to tickle him mercilessly, which Sam was  _very_  against, he hadn't been tickled since he was like, eight, and he had  _hated_ it. Sam, against his will, laughed, which only fueled Lucifer's antics further, it seemed, and  _christ_ , he seemed to know where every ticklish part was, and when Sam tried to pull himself up, he felt a force hold him down, and he began to feel doomed, despite the constant giggles and laughs he was letting out.

Then, Lucifer's fingers accidentally brushed on Sam's right side, causing Sam to let out an involuntary whimper.

Lucifer paused his tickling, and Sam flopped his head to the side, blushing, so he wouldn't have to see Lucifer staring at him. 

There was a long silence, with Lucifer still straddling Sam, hand hovering over the "hell side" -Sam had named it that because, for some reason, God decided to curse him and give, not anywhere  _useful_ extra sensitivity, but his  _side_ \- and Lucifer slowly brought his other hand up to cup Sam's face and turn it towards his own. Their eyes met, Lucifer leaned down slowly, their lips brushed, and- 

"Get your hands off my brother, dickbag." Dean's voice cut through the silence, and Sam and Lucifer turned to see Dean and Castiel standing to the right of them, the latter was seemingly taking it all in, while the former had eyes full of murder.

Dean cocked his gun, and Lucifer scoffed. "Sure, but, I'd like to remind you,  _yet again_ , that that thing won't kill me."

"I'm not trying to kill you." Before Lucifer could dictate another sarcastic response, Dean shot the gun, which, instead of a bullet, released a dart that knocked Lucifer out cold when it struck his neck.

Sam screamed, and the last thing he saw before blacking out was Dean pointing the gun at him.

 

 

 


	3. Dungeons and Ex Wives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in almost a week, I've been busy with drama and school, but I'm back now and ready to write even gayer than before. Kudos and Comments feed my Demogorgon and give me a distraction from my Killing Stalking addiction, so they're always appreciated, ty :).

Sam had definitely woken up in better places than this.

Sure, the seedy motel beds were disgusting and moldy, they had no comparison to Lucifer's bed (why did he even _need_ a bed?), but they were a lot better than a thin, worn out blanket placed on a cold cement floor.

Sam attempted to heave himself off the floor, only to become overwhelmed with intense dizziness, and fell down with a loud  _thump_ , not that anyone would have heard it through the two feet thick concrete walls, anyways.

He had to give it to the guy, Bobby knew how to make a damn good cell.

Still sic from standing, Sam began to crawl across the cold floor, eventually dragging himself all around the cell, hitting the walls, looking for some type of weakness, crack, or  _something_ that would help him get out and back to Lucifer.

 _Lucifer_ , oh  _God_ , what had they  _done_ to him?

Sam was family, and therefore got the softer end of the treatment (which basically meant that they didn't kill him when he fucked up) but Sam knew their opinion of Lucifer, it wasn't exactly nice.

Panic seized him, knocking all the air out of his lungs, and Sam did what any man trapped in a cell by his own family would do. He began to scream.

It wasn't the usual stuff like 'HELP' or 'LET ME OUT' he just began screaming, continuously, hoping that someone would come down here and open the door before his vocal cords were entirely wrecked (if they were, he figured that a bit of gasping to Lucifer would make him get a clue and fix them.)

This, unfortunately, yielded no response from anyone. 

Blindly, Sam tried to open a line of communication- their mind-talking weird bullshit wasn't one sided, anyways- but, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get a response. He suspected Cas.

Sam yelled Lucifer's name for what seemed like hours, but to no avail. Either they had left him in the cell, alone, or they were simply ignoring him, as they did when they forced him to go cold turkey on demon blood. Lucifer, Sam assured himself, wouldn't have treated him the way Dean, Bobby, and Cas had. 

He was sure of it.

\--

Lucifer sat in a cold, drafty room, blindfolded, gagged, and chained with some "angel handcuffs" to what felt like a bedpost. 

Even though he was a good two floors above Sam, he could still clearly hear him screaming his name, crying out for help. It had pained him to hear his vessel in such distress, and he started to yell back, to at least inform Sam that he wasn't dead, but he had been gagged shortly after.

The handcuffs that he had been cuffed with would only work for a short time, until he recovered from that shitty elephant tranquilizer thing that Dean had shot him with. After that, well, it was as simple as flying Sam off to one of his ( rarely used) numerous houses. He had a feeling Sam would like California, though.

Admittedly, Lucifer spent his time daydreaming (or regular dreaming? he couldn't tell the difference between night and day) about what he and Sam would do when they were far, far away from his little brother and Sam's family. A cat, maybe? He'd always loved them, after all.

He missed being able to talk telepathically to Sam, and the very thought of being out of them gave him satisfaction.

Sure, in his relationship with Sam he had expected to be in handcuffs, but not in this context.

A set footsteps that he identified as Dean's was storming towards his "room" so Lucifer decided to lift himself off the floor.

Here we go.

Again.

The door swung open and suddenly, Lucifer's gag and blindfold were ripped off, only to be shown Dean's angry, tired face.

"You've got bags, did you know?" Lucifer remarked, but Dean turned away.

"Well, yeah, that kinda happens when some  _holy asshole chicken_ puts a love spell on your brother, dickbag." Dean remarked, and Lucifer rolled his eyes.

"How many times do I have to tell you that it _I_ actually love Sam, unlike _some people_." 

Castiel appeared out of nowhere, and Lucifer was starting to hate this situation more and more.

"Dean, think about it, is there anyone in you or Sam's lives that would have cursed Sam?" Castiel grated out, ignoring Lucifer.

Dean seemed to have a moment of realization, and he and Castiel shared a look, which went on  _way_ too long for it to be heterosexual, in Lucifer's opinion. His little brother was still in the millennia old closet, it seemed.

"Becky." Dean said, also ignoring Lucifer.

"Becky?" Lucifer asked, and, unsurprisingly, he was still ignored.

"I mean, she _did_ roofie Sam into marrying him during Vegas week, and she had some, uh,  _questionable_ fanfiction."

"What fanf-" Cas began to ask, but was interrupted by Dean. 

"We don't talk about it!" Dean raised his voice slightly, his cheeks tinging pink.

 For anyone who wasn't caught in this session of gay eye sex (aka Lucifer), it was pretty obvious that Dean had done his fair share of research when it came to fanfiction.

"There's a Supernatural convention on tomorrow. I would suggest we go, as Becky seems to be a fanatic."

"So."

Dean and Cas turned to Lucifer, who raised his eyebrows at them.

"What should I pack?" 

\--

The door to Sam's cell opened, revealing a very disheveled looking Lucifer, along with Dean and Cas, who did not look at all comfortable with this situation. Lucifer rushed to Sam and hugged him tightly, much to Dean's disgust. 

Sam went through Lucifer's barrage of questions vaguely, which only to seemed to annoy Lucifer.

"I'm  _fine_ , Luce, look, I can move my legs and everything."

"I'll move  _you_ , you stubborn bastard. Let me  _look_ at you."

Sam sighed and relented, allowing Lucifer to check him for injuries.

His mind suddenly brought forth the image of Lucifer in blue scrubs (they matched his eyes, of course), which made Lucifer raise his eyebrows at him. Sam, having completely forgotten that Lucifer could read minds again, blushed a bright red

"Jesus  _Christ_ , this is  _disgusting_." Dean's voice echoed around the cell.

"Sam, we think Becky may have been the one to curse you. There's a Supernatural convention tomorrow, so we're all going to go-excluding Bobby, who I think may have a case of chronic headaches, even though I cannot determine the cause- find the witch, and force her to return you to your normal state." Cas stated.

"But this  _is_ my normal state." Sam looked up at Lucifer, who gave him a small smile, intertwining their fingers together.

"You aren't thinking straight, Sam. It'll all be over soon."

Dean and Cas left, leaving Lucifer and Sam alone in the cell.

"I can't leave, y'know. Your asshole uncle dregged up some sigil that 'binds me to him' or whatever for like, a day."

Sam pulled Lucifer into a tight hug, pushing his face into the crook of his neck. Lucifer snaked his arms around Sam's waist, and they stayed there, content, for what seemed like hours.

"I love you." Sam said into Lucifer's neck, his words muffled.

"I know." Lucifer hugged him tighter, as if he was afraid to let go. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my Tumblr is kylo-trash-squad, fam


	4. Hook Ups and Vegas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify, just because Lucifer is in love with Sam, it doesn't mean he automatically likes humans, he just got over his massive ego and is now mushy as hell towards Sam, which is noice

The ride to the convention (which, ironically, was in Vegas) was very awkward. Neither Dean, Castiel, or Bobby trusted Lucifer, and thus rejected his idea of flying ahead with Sam and Bobby and waiting for them at the hotel they'd sprung for- which was very hard to choose, actually, because of Dean's insistence on being at _least_ seven blocks from any wedding chapel.

 Dean, it seemed, wanted to avoid another Becky incident.

So that's how two angels, two (very gay) brothers, and their disgruntled surrogate father ended up crammed in the impala for a total of twenty hours.

To Dean's disgust, Sam fell asleep halfway through the trip and ended up sleeping on Lucifer's shoulder for ten hours. Cas, who sat in the back next to Lucifer, kept asking for an explanation on  _every single advertisement_   ("Dean, what is a MacDaddy? Is it another obscure fetish?) and Bobby insisted on playing baseball commentary over the radio, which ended up with him screaming wildly at the radio. Lucifer was oddly silent, although he seemed to be teasing Dean by intentionally playing with Sam's hair or putting the occasional kiss on his forehead.

Naturally, Dean felt close to pulling a "I WILL turn this car around, kids!" and by the time they got to Las Vegas, he felt like kissing the dirty, alcohol smelling asphalt on the highway.

\--

As soon as Dean pulled into the hotel parking lot, Lucifer breathed out a sigh of relief.

Cas, Bobby, and Dean got out of the car to stretch and unload luggage, but Lucifer stayed still, for the fear of waking up Sam. 

Sam looked peaceful, and Lucifer knew he hadn't been sleeping very often (Sam's head had always been fairly easy to get into, for him, anyways) so he wasn't too keen on waking him up. 

Lucifer rolled his eyes at the tan, boring building before him. Sam didn't deserve to sleep in such mediocre accommodations, he deserved to be treated like a king. He gathered up Sam in his arms and flew off to a more reasonable location, leaving Dean, Cas, and Bobby behind.

Of course, it was only to blocks away from  _them_ , but it would have to do.

He lowered Sam onto the bed, which seemed to be overflowing pillows, threw himself onto the nearest chair, and waited.

\--

Sam drifted in and out of consciousness, blearily recognizing his surroundings.

After a while, he eventually realized that, no, he was definitely _not_ in the Impala anymore.

"Sammy." A voice interrupted his thoughts, and Sam let out a small groan, refusing to open his eyes.

The owner of the voice chuckled as Sam burrowed deeper into the blankets.

"C'mon, Sammy, your brother is going to kill us if we don't go to the convention." Sam cracked his eyes open to see Lucifer hovering over him. "Not that I'd let him, of course."

"But I don't  _wanna_." Sam whined.

Lucifer began to tug at the blankets, exposing Sam to the cold air.

"But  _Luci_ , I don't  _wanna_ go. I wanna stay  _here_." Sam grabbed his hand and tugged on it.

"Sam,  _no-_ " Lucifer pulled his hand away and tugged the blankets back further, accidentally brushing on  _that_ spot on Sam's side, making the younger man moan.

There was a moment of silence, and Sam felt his cheeks growing redder and redder by the second, only to look up and see Lucifer eyeing him hungrily, like he was a piece of meat, even.

Lucifer practically pounced on him, pressing their mouths together in a angry, sloppy kiss.

Sam had won, he knew, He  _definately_ was going to be late for the convention, Dean's anger be damned.

\--

"Where in the  _fuck_ are Lucifer and Sam?" Dean yelled, attracting the attention of a few patrons standing outside the convention venue.

"Maybe they escaped?" Bobby suggested, unhelpfully.

"No, I redrew the sigil during the drive, it won't wear off for another 24 hours." Castiel monotoned.

"I swear, if I don't see Sam here, unharmed, in the next  _five seconds_ , I'm gonna lose my shi-" 

There was a  _thwump_ of wings, and everyone turned to see Sam and Lucifer standing in front of them, unharmed, albeit a little disheveled.

Dean walked forward quickly, inspecting Sam and barraging him with questions.

"Where the fuck were you? What did he  _do to you_? Is that a  _hickey?_ Dean pointed at Sam's neck and looked at Lucifer accusingly, but the archangel just smirked.

Suddenly it dawned on Dean what Sam had done with Lucifer, and he was filled with murderous rage.  _Why_ hadn't he chained Sam to the radiator and put him under armed guard? He knew Sam had a monster mash kink, but  _Jesus Christ,_ fucking Satan as a bit extreme, even for Sam.

"Did you  _sleep_ with  _Satan_?" Dean demanded.

Sam didn't respond, he just ducked his head down and blushed, while Lucifer smirk grew even wider, and Dean was filled with the urge to punch it off his stupid, evil face.

But, as this was a public place, and public violence was frowned upon, he settled for an angry glare and pulled Sam inside roughly.

\--

"Sam!" Everyone turned into the direction of the voice, only to see the main suspect herself, Becky, running at them.

Becky wrapped her arms around Sam, resting her had on his chest with a sigh. Lucifer glared hard enough to bore a hole into the back of her head, and Sam felt very awkward, as did everyone else.

"Uh, Becky?" Sam said, after about a minute of her hugging her.

"Yeah, Sam?" Becky said, not moving.

Sam saw Lucifer's glare over her shoulder, and it was looking  _very_ murderous. "Could you- maybe, uh-"

"Oh, sure!" Becky let go, but Lucifer's glare did not die down. "Sorry, I just haven't seen you in  _forever_ , and you haven't been responding to my texts. Did your phone break?" Becky asked, pouting.

_I'm literally two seconds away from dragging her to hell, Sam._ Lucifer's voice echoed in Sam's head, and he had to hold back a laugh. Lucifer was cute when he was jealous.

"Sorry." Sam said dumbly, stepping back over to Lucifer. "I've been busy." 

Lucifer's arm snaked around his waist, and Sam rolled his eyes. 

"Oh!" Becky said cheerfully, looking from Sam to Lucifer. "I'm Becky." Becky held her hand out to Lucifer.

Lucifer didn't take her hand, he only narrowed his eyes. "Lucifer." Lucifer grated out, and Becky let her hand drop.

"I'l just-" Becky gestured to her left.

"You do that." Lucifer said icily.

Becky all but ran off, and Lucifer glared at her retreating back.

"The hell was that?" Dean asked angrily.

\--

Chuck waited for Becky nervously at one of the numerous tables that had been set up. He didn't know why he was even  _here_ , he was  _God_ , he could be in Peru or Cancun or some shit, but he had let Becky force him into coming, all because he had a crush on her. Why he had given himself the ability to feel attraction, he didn't know.

"Guess what!"

"Wha-"

"Sam, Dean, Bobby, Cas, and  _Lucifer_ are here!"

Panic seized Chuck. His  _literal_ children were here, not the cosplay people who dressed up in fluffy WalMart angel wings, but the children that he had spawned out of nothingness. 

He could shield himself from them revealing who he was, that part was easy, but he felt anxious about seeing Lucifer for the first time in several millennia.

"I mean, I know I cast that spell on them to fall in love and stuff, but I didn't think they'd be so _cute_." Becky squealed.

Wait, what?

He had, of course, made Lucifer and Sam destined to fall in love with each other (it kinda came with the whole vessel package) but he hadn't specified  _how_ they would fall in love, kinda like a pre historic Death Note, but instead of dying, they fell in love obviously.

But seriously, a  _love spell_? That was so cliche even  _he_ wouldn't use it. 

And yet, here his son was, affected by it.

He should probably cure their ailment, and let them sort out their feelings for themselves. But, then again, that would take a long time, considering Lucifer's ego and Sam's reluctance, so he just let it go.

"Sa-" Becky cried out.

"Cool it, meat bag." Chuck froze. He knew that voice.

Chuck turned around slowly, only to see Cas, Dean, and Bobby staring at him, and Lucifer boring a hole into Becky's head, his arm wrapped tightly around Sam's waist.

"I was only-"

" _No."_

Lucifer's eyes fell from Becky to Chuck, and Chuck felt his stomach lodged in his throat.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is too gay for me


	5. Marshmallows and Murder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't updated in a while, sorry, but I'm bACK. If you get the Buffy The Vampire Slayer reference (hint: in the show it used ice cream) I love you and I want to marry you and have three dogs in a small cottage where we make candles and cry over Tara together.

Lucifer was  _completely_ over this.

In any other situation, going to a place where people dressed as him would have been humorous, but this visit wasn't purely for laughing at terrible SFX makeup, it was because Dean and the Scooby Gang didn't believe that Lucifer was really in love with Sam.

Which, of course, he was. He had loved Sam since God had spitballed the idea of "hey, what if you had a true vessel?" and then began working on rough sketches. Apparently, by "what if you had a true vessel" he meant "hey, let's invite every fucking angel in existence and hear their say" which was, needless to say, disastrous, as Sam was nearly born with horns and fangs, courtesy of Michael, the utter dick.

"Lucifer-" Becky began, her eyes hopeful.

Lucifer sighed, feeling _way_ too sober for this, and slid over towards the bar, leaving Sam behind.

\--

Chuck visibly sighed with relief as he saw Lucifer's retreating back, glad that his facade had worked. At least Lucifer saw him as a so called "meatbag" for the time being. Although, this might have not been the best idea, considering the amount of respect Lucifer had for humans that weren't his vessel.

"So, Sam, what're you-" Becky's eyes slid over to Sam, who was looking visibly distracted.

"Can it, sister." Dean interrupted, visibly angry. "What the hell did you do to him?" Dean waved a hand wildly in Sam's direction, and Sam plopped down into the seat next to Chuck.

"This might take a while." Sam gave him a smile and nodded toward Dean, Becky, Cas, and Bobby, all of which were either yelling, glaring, or clenching their weapons menacingly. 

Chuck and Sam talked for a while, mostly about cats (Sam was already following his cat blog), books- most of which were made with vellum, they were so old-, dogs (Chuck  _loved_ dogs), and eventually, with reluctance on Chuck's side, Lucifer.

"So....Lucifer." Chuck began awkwardly.

"Yeah." Sam's cheeks went pink, and he began staring very intently at the floral centerpiece in front of them.

"I never really saw you guys together,"  _not yet._ Chuck added mentally. "like, you know, considering the whole hating humanity bit." 

Sam shrugged. "He's not that bad. Not now, anyways. He's gotten better."

Well, that really was it.

Sam had gone insane.

\--

Sam looked up, only to see that Lucifer was still gone-drinking the entire bar, Sam suspected- and Dean and Becky were still arguing over whether or not Sam had been drugged into loving Lucifer. 

In his opinion, this whole trip was stupid.

Sure, maybe he had fucked up with Ruby (he refused to call Amy a monster), but he, unlike Dean, had  _gotten over it._ Dean would still make petty remarks like "you sure you wanna come? wouldn't want you to relapse" or "Sammy, leave, I'm gonna torture this demon alone, cause, y'know.." like the damn thing hadn't happened _two years ago_.

Sam had to give it to him, Dean had the memory of an elephant when it came to grudges. One time, he had caught him swearing in his sleep, yelling about  a boy from fifth grade who had stolen his new set of rainbow markers ("that fuckin  _kid_ , I'll kill him, snotty marker ass  _bitch_.") 

But still, he didn't understand why Dean insisted that he was drugged. He  _loved_ Lucifer. It wasn't like what he had with Jess (was that love? he didn't know) where everything was exciting, butterflies, and a sugar rush, it was calmer. Slower, even. It was as if time stopped, and all that mushy bullshit.

" _Dean,_ what do you think you're doing?" Sam said, interrupting the argument.

"I'm interrogating the suspect, you prick, what does it look like, huh?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Dean, how many times do I have to tell you, I'm not-"

"Cursed. Yeah, you are, that's the curse telling you that you ain't cursed, just so it can go on cursin' you for longer." Dean interrupted. 

Sam pushed back his chair abruptly, waved to Chuck- who was looking very worried at the sight of Sam leaving him- and walked out of the building, leaving everyone behind him.

Well, maybe he could convince Lucifer to whisk him away -there really was no maybe, he'd take Sam away in a heartbeat- to Paris, or something. He had liked that hotel they'd stayed in, maybe they could stay there until the binding spell Cas had put on him wore off.

Sam sat on the steps, too preoccupied with daydreaming about him, Lucifer, a dog, and an apartment in Milan to notice that Lucifer was behind him.

"Hello, Sam." Lucifer sat down and handed him a cup of hot chocolate, which Sam graciously accepted. He had even gone to the length of putting tiny coloured marshmallows in it, how cute was that?

"Hey, Luce." Sam gulped down the hot chocolate (which, thankfully, wasn't scalding) and was filled with warmth instantly, spreading from his head to his toes, and he had a suspicion that this hot chocolate wasn't 100% grace free.

"You have marshmallow on your nose." Lucifer said, amused.

"Get it, dude."

Lucifer leaned in, and Sam backed away. A normal person would have taken that request as " _hey bro, wipe this marshmallow off my nose"_ but Lucifer took it as " _oh Lucifer, prince of darkness, lick the rainbow marshmallow mush off of my nose with your snake-like_   _forked tongue, and I will be eternally grateful."_

Which, okay, Sam wasn't exactly complaining about the tongue, because  _damn_ were the blowjobs nice as _hell_ , but Sam had a strict 'no tongue near nose' policy, due to an incident in eighth grade where he tried to french kiss a girl, didn't lean down far enough, and stuck his tongue in her right nostril. It wasn't sexy.

" _Lucifer_." 

"I'm sorry, your nose just looks so  _tasty_." Lucifer wiped the marshmallow away with his sleeve and gave Sam a kiss on the nose, which made Sam turn pink.

Sam wasn't the best at controlling his emotions.

Sam scooted closer to Lucifer and laid his head on his shoulder, and they lapsed into a long stretch of comfortable silence, both of them watching cars pass by and the sun set over the trees.

It was a perfect moment, so, of course, it had to be interrupted.

There was a blood curdling scream from inside, so Lucifer and Sam rushed inside, only to see the bloodied, gutted body of a cosplayer (who, by the outfit, had been Lucifer)  and several people broke down into tears, some looked unconvinced.

"So, this is a part of the game, right?" One Bobby look alike shouted.

All of a sudden, the electricity went out, the doors and windows closed and locked with a click, and all was silent.

"Well, fuck." Lucifer said, breaking the silence.

 

 


	6. Spells and God

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry I've been gone for a while, but I'm back, and it's lit. On a positive note, during the writing break I got a prom dress, so even if no one likes me I'll still look awesome. Kudos and Comments, as always, are appreciated, since they feed my seven children, six lizards, and pay the bills for the ferris wheel I bought. Enjoy the chapter :)

"Holy  _shit_ !" 

Ever sine the murder (which, to be honest, he was disappointed he had missed the show, but Sam wouldn't approve, so he stayed silent) the same asshole Swedish guy- who was dressed up in what he supposed to be a Bobby costume- kept pacing and yelling the words 'Holy Shit!' as if the dead body had shrunken his vocabulary.

"Seriously, can someone shut him up?" Dean whined, and Lucifer stepped forward.

"With pleasure."

"No, dude, with something that  _does not_ involve more murder or ripping out his voice box." Dean said.

Lucifer waved his hand with a sigh, and suddenly, the meatball (Lucifer wasn't discriminating based upon country origin, here, he just liked really creative words that insulted humans) ceased his yelling, and everyone seemed to sigh in relief.

"Maybe we should call the police!" Chuck said, worriedly.

Hell, could that guy  _get_ any more wimpy? They didn't really make them like they were in the Crusades anymore, all ready to die for "God and Country", now they cowered behind their fellow haggis (Haggis didn't deserve to be compared to humans, it was delicious) and waited for  _policemen_ to show up.

Were they always this weak, or had it just been his ignorance of Dad's plan in the beginning? Honestly, he didn't know anymore, being stuffed in a box for countless millennium did that to your head.

Lucifer grew tired of being trapped in a hall with nerds, so he grabbed Sam and tried to fly off, only to remain grounded, and still locked in a room with nerds.

Well, if he couldn't leave the building, at least he and Sam could find an alcove or something.

"Sammy. C'mon." Lucifer murmured in Sam's ear and then jerked his head towards the stairs, causing Sam to nod.

They both pushed their way out of the group surrounding the boy and headed for the stairs. The good thing about murder was that, no matter what, it always seemed to excuse you from socializing.

\--

"Where the  _fuck_ did those two go?" Dean demanded, raising his voice. It had been one hour, ten minutes, and thirty two seconds,  _exactly_ (of course he was times them, Dean wasn't very trusting) since Sam and Lucifer had dove off to whatever kinda makeshift sex dungeon Lucifer could snap up.

"Probably off doing something cute." Becky sighed dreamily, causing everyone to give her a look of disgust, except for Cas, who merely squinted menacingly.

"I  _refuse_ to believe you had noting to do with this." Bobby grumbled, and Becky looked down at the floor.

"Okay, so  _maybe_ I used a magical lubricant to-"

"You  _roffied_ my brother! Again!" Dean interrupted angrily, making Becky clutch at Chuck's side.

Chuck, however, did  _not_ wish to be pulverized by two aggressive guys who looked as if they ate protein bars for a living, along with his own son, so he shuffled away quickly, mumbling something along the lines of "I'm too sober for this."

"Okay, but this time, it was _different_. It wasn't really a roofie, and Rowena said that the spell only worked if they already did love each other, it just removes their negative feelings about each other!" Becky defended herself, but no one seemed to be listening to her.

" _Rowena?_ Goddamn, I  _hate_ witches!" Dean yelled, slamming his hand down onto a nearby table.

"Well, kid, maybe if you'd stop asking for her help and promising her shit, then you wouldn't have to see her so often!"

 "Hey, most of the time, it's  _Sam's-"_

"Christ, boy, you've blamed Sam for everything from breaking my vase to releasing Lucifer! None of this, objectively, is Sam's problem!"

"Oh,  _yeah_ , just stick up for him  _like you always do_ -" 

At this point, Cas began to push the men apart from each other, and Becky saw this as her chance to slip out, passing a crowd of onlookers who were placing bets on which one would throw punches first, "Walmart Leonardo Dicaprio" or "Daryl Dixon on meth and beer". 

\--

" _Sam."_ Lucifer gasped, panting. Sam had practically dragged him into the first closet they'd found, and then attacked him with kisses.Of course, they couldn't get to the point and just hook up, oh _no_ , Sam just  _had_ to be a tease. Sam, at some point, had lost his shirt, and Lucifer had ended up backed up against the wall, his legs wrapped around Sam's waist, moans muffled by the taller man's mouth.

Lucifer, obviously, was  _not_ complaining, and the several hickeys and scratches that were littered across Sam's back.

"Someone's gonna hear if you keep moaning, Luce." Sam affectionately nipped at Lucifer's neck, causing him to lean his head back, allowing for easier access. 

"Dont." Lucifer gasped, grinding his hips. "Care."

Sam kissed him hungrily, making Lucifer dizzy. Sam seemed to know  _exactly_ where to touch him to make him melt into a puddle, and Lucifer loved it. There was a rip, and Lucifer's shirt was thrown onto the floor, torn into shreds. 

Lucifer tugged on Sam's hair, pulling him own for another kiss. He felt Sam's hands begin to roam over his body, and-

"Guys? You in there?" Becky's voice came through the door, annoyingly cheery as always.

When there was no answer from either man, Becky tried again. "Come  _on_ , guys, I could hear moaning all the way from the staircase." 

Even in the complete darkness, Lucifer could practically feel Sam's stupid 'I told you so' look boring a hold into his head.

"We'll be out in a minute." Sam called, flicking the lights on.

"Did you  _have_ to tear my shirt into shreds?" Lucifer sighed, snapping another shirt onto his body.

"Did you  _have_ to moan like a fuckin' banshee?" Sam retorted smartly, buttoning his flannel shirt.

Lucifer rolled his eyes and exited the closet, pushing past Becky rudely.

\--

"And where were  _you_?" Dean asked, narrowing his eyes at Sam's popped collar. "Are those hickeys?"

"You guys know we're trying to solve a murder here, right?" Bobby interrupted.

There was a moment of prolonged silence, in which Dean glared at Becky, Cas eye fucked Dean, Sam and Lucifer gave each other eskimo kisses, Becky glared at Dean, and Chuck stood alone, looking very much uncomfortable.

"There's gonna be another murder by the time we get outta here, I'll tell you that." Dean growled.

"Ooooo, monkey boy is gonna try to be  _threatening_."

"Shut your  _mouth_!" Dean snapped. "Anyways, for those of us who  _weren't here_ ," Dean paused, glaring pointedly at Lucifer and Sam. "Becky and Rowena roofied Sam and Lucifer into falling in love."

Sam visibly tensed, an angry look passing over his face. At this point, Lucifer and Chuck, who were both  _very_  familiar with how Sam got when he was angry (The hard, cool look  and the tone of voice was  _very_ hot to Lucifer) and neither of them-at least, at the present time- felt like getting in his way.

"How  _dare_ you?" Sam growled, causing Lucifer to duck behind Chuck, and Becky to squeal and try to hide behind Lucifer, which only ended up with her on the floor. "So, what, I actually have the  _balls_ to confess my love for Lucifer, and you pull some bullshit 'it was a love spell' shit? I am so fucking  _done-_ " 

At this, Sam grabbed Lucifer and stormed up the stairs, followed by a feeble "But it  _was_ magic!" from Dean.

"You idjits  _know_ we're about to get ganked, right?"

"Gay love is more important than death, always." Becky said hautily, and left.


	7. Vegan Weddings and Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> saaa, dudes! Sorry I haven't updated in so long, I know half of you want to put my head on a pike for me making you wait so long, but it's cool. As always, Kudos and Comments feed my mercats and fund my dog's roller derby fund.

As always, angry gays and ghosts don't mix fairly well.

So, naturally, when Sam and Lucifer were faced with the ghost that was supposed to be haunting them, Lucifer tore it to shreds within seconds, bone burning be  _damned_ if he was going to let anything remotely evil (excluding himself, of course) touch a hair on Sam's head. Sam thought the ghost bursting into flames was "badass" so, to Lucifer, it was worth it.

Sam then dragged him into a closet, kissing him hungrily, only to be interrupted several times by Sam's phone (Dean, no doubt) and Lucifer had to be talked out of smiting the phone, which was then thrown to the floor-to Sam's fear, for he was always treating his electronics as if they were newborn babies made of glass- and allowed to vibrate freely on the floor.

"Let's get out of here." Lucifer broke away, nipping at the taller man's neck. 

"Where?" Sam rolled his head back, letting Lucifer have more access to his neck.

"Binding spell ran out," Lucifer murmured, running his hands under Sam's shirt. "anywhere you want, love."

Sam let out a low moan, grinding his hips against Lucifer's. "Well, we are in Vegas...." Sam trailed off, not meeting Lucifers gaze.

"Sam."

"Yes?"

"Are you suggesting that we elope and have a Vegas wedding?"

"Maybe."

"I'm in." Lucifer grinned, flying them away with a heavy  _woosh_ of his wings.

As he looked around at the place Lucifer had zapped them too, he felt uncomfortably underdressed.

When he had pictured the words "Vegas wedding" he thought of alcohol, a seedy chapel, and a knock-off Elvis impersonator, but Lucifer seemed to be full of both surprises and money, because _holy shit_ , was this place rich.

The grand ballroom before them seemed to be carved out of marble and gold, arches stood on the walls to the right and the left, curving into the high ceilings, where intricate stories were painted (closer inspection revealed them to be the story of Sam and Lucifer's relationship), allowing space for the crystal chandelier, and even though there were no candles, lamps, or any windows, the room was brightly lit, causing the crystals to reflect the light off in rainbow facets.

Sam thought the rainbow light was very appropriate, because this situation couldn't get any gayer.

"You  _dick_ , how am I supposed to get married in this place looking like a fucking  _lumberjack?"_

"Does it- does it  _matter_?" Lucifer questioned.

" _Yes."_

"Well, then I'll just-" Lucifer raised his hand, ready to snap Sam into a different outfit.

"No!" Sam grabbed his wrist.

"Sam, I don't understand."

"What, you think I'll let you put me in a toga or something?" Sam glared at Lucifer, and Lucifer smirked.

"Actually, I was going to go with a speedo, but it's whatever floats your boat." 

Sam went red, still holding Lucifer's wrist. Lucifer slowly peeled off his fingers, took Sam's hand, and kissed the back of it. "You'd look beautiful even if you were wearing a teddy, Sam."

"Do I want to know what that is?"

"You'll find out." Lucifer winked.

Sam wasn't exactly excited to hear that he might be wearing something relating to a bear, or that he would be getting married in dirty clothes- when he was growing up, he had imagined himself in a venue like the one he was in now, but Sam was in an elaborate black and gold embroidered outfit (Chad Michael Murray's prince charming outfit in A Cinderella Story had sent him over the moon) and, instead of, well, Satan, he was getting married to either Chad Michael Murray or Leonardo Dicaprio.

Of course, these daydreams were kept private, as they were considered girly (Dean and John would have never let it go, he had to watch Gilmore Girls behind a locked, soundproof door, along with headphones) but still, it would have been nice to not look like the Brawny mascot as he married the love of his life.

Lucifer waved his hand anyways, and he was dressed in a plain black tuxedo, blue tie- it was the same shade as Lucifers eyes, that was not fair at  _all_ , along with polished, black leather shoes. 

Sam (because Lucifer was a cheeky mind reading bastard), was fitted into a outfit that looked fit for a-very gay- prince. The tailcoat was black, and was embroidered with gold around the collar and cuffs, accompanied by tight black dress pants (were they even  _legal_ ), along with high black boots (they had a heel, because Lucifer had both a height kink and was a jackass) and a ornate, heavy gold crown rested upon his head.

Lucifer gave him a shit eating grin, and Sam felt the urge to both punch him and make out with him, which he didn't act out on, because it was fucked up enough for Lucifer to be into it.

"You know what this means, right?" Lucifer took a step towards him, seriousness etched onto his face. "Marriage for angels is permanent, we'll be bonded forever. Even when you die, your soul will still be with me."

Sam felt offended that Lucifer would even consider running out on him.

"This is what I want." Sam said, giving Lucifer hi biggest puppy dog eyes. "You want it too, right."

"Do you even need to ask me that?" Lucifer kissed him, and Sam smiled into it.

Somehow, Lucifer had managed to conjure up a priest, which was fairly ironic, but Lucifer had told him that to be bonded, it had to be an actual priest, not an Elvis impersonator.

"If any man can show just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace." When the priest got to this point, Sam turned to look over his shoulder, in case anyone was going to run in screaming "WAIT! I OBJECT!"

It would probably be Becky, if anyone did.

"Wilt thou have this Man to thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love him, comfort him, honour, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?"

"I will." Lucifer said, his voice echoing.

The priest turned to Sam and repeated the words, and Sam and Lucifer's clasped hands began to glow.

"I w-" Sam began, only to be interrupted by a loud crash.

"WAIT!" Sam and Lucifer turned, only to see Rowena, Cas, Dean, Becky, Crowley, Chuck, and Bobby standing in the doorway.

Dean and Bobby seemed to be the only ones having trouble with this. Rowena was sharing popcorn with Crowley, Chuck looked awkward, Becky was squealing and taking photos, and Cas stared blankly ahead, as if he was unable to comprehend what was happening before him.

"Ut videantur ab dimittere." Rowena recited, sounding disappointed.

All at once, a wave of heat swept over the both of them, and Sam nearly toppled into Lucifer, delirious. Lucifer caught him in his arms, and then tumbled to the ground, dragging Sam with him.

\--

"It's good we got there in time." Bobby's voice sounded distant, as if it was miles away.

"Yeah, because  _some witch bitches who I will not mention_ nearly got my brother cuffed to  _Satan_ for all of eternity." Dean growled out.

"It was cute, though, wasn't it?" 

Sam cracked one eye open, only to see that he was in Bobby's living room, laying on his couch. The group was huddled together in the hallway, arguing, and Sam rolled his eyes. Of course, Dean and Bobby would only leave his bedside to argue with witches.

Looking to his side, he saw Lucifer, who looked as if he had been unceremoniously dumped onto the hardwood floor. Sam felt a pang of emotion at seeing Lucifer like this, and attempted to get to him, which only ended up in him tumbling from the couch to the floor.

The group was still arguing, and ignored the thud, which Sam took as a good thing. Sam dragged his body towards Lucifer slowly- he would have walked, if he could have made his legs work- cautious of pens and old beer cars, and when he finally made it there, he was at a loss as to what to do.

He, obviously, had loved this man. He had felt it, the unbridled emotion he had felt toward him, the joy he had felt when they had nearly gotten bonded, and now he was free, unaffected by the spell, able to make his on decisions.

Sam still felt it, the pull towards the other man, and it was unlike anything he had felt before, more intense than what he had felt when he was with Jessica.

Maybe Dean was right, and he did have a monster kink.

Lucifer's eyes snapped open, only to see Sam hovering over him, staring intently.

"Sam-" Sam crashed his lips down upon Lucifer's, and Lucifer responded eagerly, tugging his hands through Sam's hair, making the taller man moan.

Sam pulled away, and Dean began to yell, at which witch he didn't know, but he could care less.

"Take me with you." Sam gasped, pulling away for air, and Lucifer smiled, taking the air out of Sam's lungs.

"BECAUSE SAM DOES NOT LIKE SATAN, NO MATTER WHAT YOUR POORLY WRITTEN FANFICTIONS SAY!" Dean roared, and Lucifer scoffed. "I AM NOT JEALOUS, YOU SICK BITCH!"

"Where do you want to go, Sam?" Lucifer murmured, tucking a lock of Sam's hair behind his ear.

"Anywhere, as long as it's with you." Sam smiled, and tugged him down for another kiss.

"I love you." Lucifer sighed, bushing his nose against Sams.

"NO, CHUCK, I WILL NOT STOP YELLING, TELL YOUR WITCH GIRLFRIEND TO STOP ROOFIEING MY BROTHER!" Dean yelled, and there was  _crunch_ , along with a thud, and it was fairly clear that Dean had been sucker punched.

"I love you too." Lucifer's eyes seemed to light up, and he flashed Sam a happy grin.

"We should go, if we're going to, you know." Lucifer said, tracing patterns onto Sams bicep.

Sam pulled away, grabbed a post-it pad and a pencil, scribbled something down, stuck the post-it onto a half finished bottle of whiskey, and nodded to himself. "Okay." Sam held out his hand, and Lucifer paused, staring at it, trying to drink it in, as if he wanted to remember this moment forever, and grabbed it, pulling him out of the room with a soft  _woosh_ of his wings.

"What the fuck was that?" Dean ran into the now vacated room and let out a yell, frustrated. "He's been  _kidnapped_ , I swear I'll-"

"Awwwwwwwwww!" Becky's voice interrupted Dean's rant, running her fingers over the post-it note.

"What the fuck is-" Dean began, and he felt his voice catch in his throat.

The note read, in Sam's unmistakable scrawl:

_Becky ( &Rowena & Crowley, who am I kidding),_

_We ship it too._

_\- Sam & Lucifer_

_P.S: Bobby- Thanks for the blessing, it means a lot._

 

"You gave them your  _blessing?"_ Dean demanded, and Bobby simply shrugged, grabbed the whiskey, and left.

"At least one of my boys is out of the closet, 's all I'm gonna say." 

"What's  _that_ supposed to mean?" Den yelled, sprinting towards Bobby. "Hey! Get back here!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be the last one, and will include gay husbands making out and adopting a dog, stay tuned


	8. Sunshine and Dogs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the end of this fic, and while I'm sad to see it end, I'm fairly satisfied with how it ended up, and I hope y'all are too. As always, Kudos and Comments feed my twenty dogs and three pet zombies.

Sam, it seemed, was in an eternal cycle of happiness, and he couldn't have expected any less.

After leaving Bobby's, the two of them had traveled the world- always staying in the finest places, because Lucifer seemed to find the number of motels Sam had stayed in offensive, and because he insisted he wanted 'nothing but the best" for Sam. Japan seemed to be Sam's favorite, because of his fond memories with cherry blossoms, Mount Fuji (Lucifer had set up a picnic on a ledge inside the volcano, and Sam, while initially scared shitless, had fun), and the hotsprings.

Australia, however, was Lucifer's favorite place, since Sam had been hot enough that his main outfit was short shorts, a crop top, and a messy bun. Lucifer, as a supernatural being, didn't feel heat or cold, but he got a kick out of Sam constantly pressing himself against him for relief against the heat. 

Needless to say, Dean didn't talk to Sam that much, other than the occasional "u good?" every few weeks. Becky sent him daily updates, Bobby gruffly updated him on how his brother was when Dean wouldn't, Rowena send him snapchats (they had a 40 day streak), Chuck was absorbed in his deadlines (plus, he had spilt coffee on his Nokia), and Crowley sent him the occasional snapchat, mostly with himself or a random demon with the dog filter.

Lucifer and Sam took their relationship slow, both of them taking it one step at a time, and they both had to thank Dean for interrupting their bonding, as they both felt it would have been a mistake, at that point. Lucifer didn't rush him, and Sam was grateful for it.

Even though Sam loved Lucifer and wanted to be with him forever, there was still one dealbreaker.

Dogs.

"How many dogs do you want?" Sam asked, sat on the floor between Lucifer's legs, while the older man braided his hair. "I think there's a few shelters to choose from."

"You know I can just create them out of thin air, right?" Lucifer said, his fingers tugging at Sam's hair.

"Yeah, but picking out dogs together and giving it a home would be better than snapping one up." Sam said, looking up at Lucifer.

Lucifer smiled down at Sam, an amused look on his face. "Are you using the plural accidentally or are you going to convince me that we need five dogs?"

"The last one." Sam said, giving Lucifer his biggest puppy eyes.

"If we get dogs, you have to let me get a water monitor."

"A lizard?" Sam laughed. "That's off brand for you, isn't it?" 

"How can you judge my pet choices when you're going to make me get you several dogs?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Fair enough."

Canada, it turned out, had an unlimited supply of dogs, at least according to Sam. The next day, both of them ventured out to the seven shelters near them, and Lucifer had found his water monitor, satisfied, but Sam couldn't chose from the selection of dogs (Lucifer had helped, weeding out the nice dogs from the aggressive ones, as he was fluent in animal languages). Lucifer had been unwilling at first, but Sam had somehow gotten him to agree to six dogs.

Six. Dogs.

Living with Sam, six dogs, and a temperamental reptile was just as you'd expect it to be.

Lucifer was jealous at first, considering wherever they went, the dogs always got to sleep next to Sam, forcing Lucifer to the edge of the bed, along with Oleander (yes, he had named his lizard after en extremely poisonous shrub, shut up).

After Lucifer had voiced his concerns (and after Sam had teased him about being jealous of dogs), the dogs had been moved to the foot of the bed, where Lucifer could more or less cuddle Sam- cuddle was a broad term, here, since Sam's definition of 'cuddle' seemed to be "wrap your legs and arms as tightly as you can around the other person, squeezing their (nonexistent, but still) breath out of them.

Since Sam knew that dogs (along with every other animal, according to his homicidal boyfriend) could talk, the dogs were forced to the couch when they had sex. This, though, only made the dogs say things like "You got  _dicked_ , Luce!" or "Sam should be an honorary Howling Commando, seriously." 

On their first Christmas, Sam dressed the dogs, Lucifer, and Oleander in sweaters, taking their first Christmas card. 

Not that they had a lot of people to send them out to, though.

Sam sent one to Becky (she had screamed on the phone after she got it, then announced that he need not to send one to Chuck, as they were together), Jody, Bobby, Cas, Rowena, Gabriel (he came over, howling with laughter, and gave Sam a Santa hat) Dean, who sent a box, containing a box of alcohol and a letter, which read: 

_Lucifer,_

_Even though I hate you, I feel bad about not warning you that Sam is addicted to dogs. You're gonna need the alcohol._

_-Dean_

On Christmas, Sam and Lucifer ended up in New York, their penthouse apartment covered in wrapping paper, ribbons, and baubles. Oleander had been festively decorated with a red bow on his head, which he said he liked because "It was a gift bestowed upon to me from master, and it isn't as itchy as the sweater was." 

All in all, they had a pretty good present haul that year.

Lucifer had gotten a pair of socks with lizards on them from Gabriel, and tried to hide his disappointment when there wasn't a present from Sam under the tree addressed to him.  

Sam got a waffle maker from Dean, whiskey from Bobby, fanart from Becky (they had done a dramatic recreation of it, since Lucifer insisted that there way Sam's wrist could bend that way), an apology note for the fanart from Chuck, money from Jody, a bottle of strawberry syrup from Gabriel and a bottle of Lube, which was signed " _Witch Mum xo"_.

The dogs got toys, and Oleander got a stuffed animal, which he promptly tore apart.

_Of course, he remembers to get the dogs presents, but not me_. Lucifer thought spitefully, long after the animals had fallen asleep. 

Pushing open the door to his and Sam's room, Lucifer felt his breath catch in his throat.

Sam was laid out their bed, wearing only a Santa hat. Sam grinned at him, producing a canister of  whipped cream and squirting some into his moth.

"Merry Christmas, Luce." Sam said sweetly, giggling when Lucifer promptly jumped on him, snapping away his Christmas sweater and jeans.

Sam Winchester had officially changed his mind about hating Christmas, that he knew.

\---

~Nearly four months later~

It became a tradition, after that Christmas, to have sex on holidays, and it was one tradition Lucifer was proud to upkeep. On New Years, they had fooled around with bondage and ball gags, Valentines brought icing, chocolate, and wing play (of course, not at the same time, of course, Lucifer was very adamant about grooming), so he was looking eagerly towards Easter, as it was his turn to plan it.

Lucifer used the holiday to, in Sam's opinion, torture him. He drew the ordeal out, preventing Sam from coming for  _hours._  Easter incorporated whips, candle wax, rope, and chocolate. 

Sam should have expected this, considering Lucifer was the father of sadists, but he enjoyed it nonethless.

"Hey." Sam panted, his voice raspy. Lucifer had untied his moments before, and after healing his slight rope burn, brought him water, then curled at his side, tracing patterns in his chest.

Lucifer looked up, giving Sam a questioning gaze. "Yes?'

"Do you wanna get bonded? Like, for real this time?" Sam asked hesitantly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." There was a pause, and then Sam continued. "Are _you_ sure? Like, I won't be mad or anything if you say no, but-"

Lucifer pulled Sam into a deep, hungry kiss, eventually pulled away for air, and rested his forehead against Sam's. "I've been waiting for this my whole life, why would you think I'd say no?"

"I dunno." Sam said, his mouth forming a frown. "Wait, was that a yes, or-"

Lucifer pulled Sam into another kiss, chuckling. "Yes, you oaf."

"Hey!"

"You'll want a big ceremony, I assume."

"I don't have that many friends, Luce."

"Yeah, but we could invite some of my brothers, and maybe one of them would get drunk enough to start a brawl."

"We are  _not_ having a drunken angel brawl at our bonding, Lucifer."

"Pity."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imagine Michael showing up, getting smashed before the ceremony even begins (bc he's depressed that Lucifer got his vessel to love him and Adam still runs away screaming), and then interrupting the ceremony like " 's nOT FAIR. GABE, TELL 'EM IT'S NOT FAIR, I'M OLDEST." and Gabriel having to drag his brother, one of the strongest warriors of heaven, out of the chapel, all the while trying not to laugh


End file.
